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Does World Wrestling Entertainment have any business
producing a cop thriller? They have already tried their
hand at horror with 2006’s “See No Evil,” and we all know
how that turned out. On the basis of that and their newest
film, “12 Rounds,” maybe they should leave movies alone
and just stick to what they know best (then again, pro wrestling
is about as staged as anything done by a movie studio).
***
Had they not been involved, I think it’s safe to say
that John Cena wouldn’t have been cast, that director Renny
Harlin would have been allowed to audition actors capable
of projecting credibility. It would be too harsh to say
that Cena’s performance was bad, but he definitely didn’t
convince me that he was a cop, or even that he was trying
to be a cop. He only convinced me that a pro wrestler was
cast to play a cop in a movie. It could be worse, I suppose--at
least he didn’t turn to the camera and shout, “The champ
is here!” ***
Of course, some of the blame has to go to Harlin, who
seems more invested in clever camera angles and action sequences
than in story. Some of the visuals are decent enough, but
the very concept is implausible from the word go, and it
only gets more implausible with every scene. ***
Taking place in New Orleans, the story begins in 2007,
when a wanted Irish weapons dealer named Miles Jackson (Aidan
Gillen) is finally caught. His girlfriend is killed that
same night, and he blames Officer Danny Fisher (Cena), who
responded to the call for backup. As he’s being handcuffed,
Jackson vows revenge, saying to Fisher, “I’ll remember you.”
***
Flash forward one year. Fisher has been promoted to
the rank of Detective, and he’s in a committed relationship
with his girlfriend, Molly (Ashley Scott). Through a series
of unlikely events, Jackson escapes from prison and returns
to New Orleans on the anniversary of his girlfriend’s death.
He then kidnaps Molly and forces Fisher to participate in
a game consisting of twelve rounds, each designed to be
physically and ethically challenging. ***
Each round brings Fisher to a new location in the city,
where a strategically placed clue has been left behind.
I won’t get into a detailed description of every challenge;
needless to say, they get more and more elaborate in their
plotting and execution, which means they get less and less
plausible with every passing scene. If Fisher manages to
pass all twelve rounds, Molly will be set free. ***
Fisher and Jackson keep in touch via constant cell phone
calls, and somehow or another, Jackson is always able to
cover his tracks. This is especially frustrating to George
Aiken (Steve Harris), a special agent for the FBI; for personal
reasons, he too is after Jackson, and no one, not even a
cop like Danny Fisher, is going to stop him. This subplot
might have worked had the tension between New Orleans police
and the FBI not been so forced and predictable. ***
Aiken is the proverbial Man on a Mission, and to hell
with Fisher and his kidnapped girlfriend. Of course, there
inevitably comes a point at which everything depends solely
on Fisher, which is to say that even the driven George Aiken
will have to step aside and let things happen the way they’re
supposed to happen. ***
While not a wholly engaging or even original story,
it still seems interesting enough on first glance. But as
the film progresses, it quickly becomes clear that the filmmakers
are grabbing at straws, desperate to make some kind of connection
with the audience. By the end, I got the sense that nothing
of significance occurred, that I wasn’t seeing a story unfold
so much as I was watching a series of images pass before
my eyes. ***
Much like a paint-by-numbers kit, this movie is manufactured
and artless, every colorful nuance predetermined and placed
only where they’re supposed to be placed. Not even the more
exciting sections--such as when Fisher has to stop a runaway
cable car from plowing through a crowd--were all that surprising
or entertaining. ***
And then there’s the dialogue, which is really nothing
more than a collection of shallow one-liners and cliché
cop statements. Pretty much all of the latter is heard between
Fisher and his partner, Detective Hank Carver (Brian White),
who seems less like a developed character and more like
a plot convenience. ***
But the real failure of “12 Rounds” is the involvement
of World Wrestling Entertainment, who saw fit to cast a
man incapable of playing a cop. John Cena may be a gifted
performer in a wrestling ring, but when it comes to movies--many
of which require a sense of depth and complexity--there’s
a lot to be desired. The same can be said for the story,
which is so uninteresting that I eventually stopped caring
whether or not Molly would survive her ordeal. ***
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