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Why is it that movies about animals are inherently
depressing? When did an animal’s harm and/or death become
so much more unendurable than a human’s? It probably stems
back to the final scenes of “Old Yeller,” when Travis’ mother
wants to put the rabid dog out of his misery by shooting
him. As the audience starts bawling, Travis grabs hold of
the gun: “No, Mama. He was my dog. I’ll do it.” ***
No such scene exists in “Beverly Hills Chihuahua,”
thank God, but the idea of an adorable dog getting lost
far away from home is still pretty heart-wrenching, especially
for the younger audiences this movie was made for. Adults
will probably know right off the bat that everything will
be all right, just as they will probably realize that the
filmmakers did not have them in mind. “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”
is a lot like a stray dog: It’s cute but also a little mean,
and not too many people will have the wherewithal to take
it in. ***
If the sight of lapdogs wearing needlessly expensive
clothing disgusts you, as it does me, then the beginning
of this movie is not for you. It takes place in Beverly
Hills, where it seems that the richest people over-pamper
their pets. Toy dogs--like poodles, pugs, Yorkshire terriers,
and Chihuahuas--are carried in designer bags to doggie spas,
where they’re fed prime rib and bottled water as they’re
being groomed. ***
One dog has sections of its hair folded in strips of
aluminum foil. Highlights are so becoming on a dog, wouldn’t
you agree? ***
A few of them walk on miniature treadmills, because
goodness knows a dog can’t get enough exercise running through
a park for free. ***
Living in the midst of this extravagance is a Chihuahua
named Chloe, a live action dog with a computer-generated
mouth (voiced by Drew Barrymore). Her wealthy owner, Vivian
(Jamie Lee Curtis), operates a cosmetics company. ***
When Vivian is called away to Capri on business, she
asks her niece, Rachel (Piper Perabo), to watch Chloe for
her. Rachel makes it clear to her friends that she doesn’t
care much for her aunt’s dog; she’s spoiled and manipulative.
Likewise, Chloe isn’t too fond of Rachel, and she tells
this to all her dog friends as they lounge by the pool on
their own floating lounge; Rachel, in her eyes, is mean
and irresponsible. ***
Hoping to have some fun while Vivian is away, Rachel
and her friends drive into Mexico for a mini vacation (one
look at her aunt’s gigantic mansion is enough to make the
idea seem silly). Chloe is forced to go with them since,
apparently, no one else in Beverly Hills is available to
watch a dog. ***
Once they arrive, Chloe is kidnapped by Vasquez (José
María Yazpik), a vile man who operates an underground dogfighting
ring in Mexico City. The idea that a kid’s movie would make
light of something so reprehensible is appalling; the filmmakers
show numerous shots of dogs trapped in cages, and yet they
handle those moments innocently, almost playfully. The dog
pound scene in “Lady and the Tramp” was more serious than
this, even with the inclusion of a musical number. ***
Chloe escapes with the help of a German shepherd named
Delgado (voiced by Andy Garcia), who was once a police dog
but let go when he psychosomatically lost his sense of smell.
Once Vasquez realizes how important Chloe is, he relies
on his vicious Rottweiler, Diablo (voiced by Edward James
Olmos), to retrieve her. ***
As Chloe and Delgado travel through Mexico, Rachel
begins a frantic search effort. At her side are Vivian’s
landscaper, Sam Cortez (Manolo Cardona), and his pet Chihuahua,
Papi (voiced by George Lopez), who loves Chloe with all
his heart. Contrary to what the ads for this movie claimed
during its original release, Papi is not the main character.
He’s barely a supporting character, which is just as well
seeing as he’s probably the least interesting. All he does
is love Chloe blindly and say witty things like, “Hold your
tacos!” and “Let’s go kick some tail!” ***
The most interesting side character is Manuel (voiced
by Cheech Marin), a rat who gets by as a con artist with
an iguana named Chico (voiced by Paul Rodriguez). One of
the reasons Manuel is the most interesting is because he’s
also the least logical; he wants to steal Chloe’s collar
because it’s covered with diamonds. ***
One wonders: As a rat, how does he hope to cash in
on the collar? Are we to assume there are underground rat
organizations with secret stashes of money? Even if there
are, how does Manuel plan on spending his money? Are there
upscale stores I’m not aware of with an interspecies clientele?
***
“Beverly Hills Chihuahua” gets less and less plausible
as it nears its end, not helped by the fact that the settings
become too exotic. At one point, Chloe and Delgado meet
a tribe of Chihuahuas living in a long-since abandoned Mesoamerican
temple city. Are we really supposed to believe that such
a thing would be possible, even within the context of a
kid’s movie? ***
And why on earth did Plácido Domingo, one third of the
Three Tenors, agree to voice the leader of the Chihuahuas?
A man of such prestige deserves better than a below-average
family film. I can say the same thing for pretty much all
the actors. ***
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