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I may have smirked once or twice during “The Pink Panther
2,” which is good a sign since I didn’t even get that far
with the first film. But no, it’s not a good sign, simply
because this sequel to the 2006 remake still isn’t trying
very hard; as the bumbling Inspector Jacques Clouseau, star/co-writer
Steve Martin tries to parody a character that Peter Sellers
already made into a parody, which gets really annoying after
a while. There’s no doubt that the man is funny, but as
Clouseau, he can only pull off acting silly, which is not
the same thing. ***
While slightly better than its predecessor, “The Pink
Panther 2” is still nothing more than a series of shallow
gags, most of them physically inclined. It’s occasionally
amusing at best, tiresome at worst. It doesn’t help that
the story is unflatteringly predictable, probably because
far too many details are given away early on. The only thing
I was not expecting was the sight of Alfred Molina wearing
a pink tutu. Believe me, I could have lived without that.
***
The plot: When a number of priceless historical artifacts
are stolen from museums around the world--and this includes
the Pink Panther diamond--an international dream team of
detectives is assembled. Representing France is our intrepid
Clouseau, much to the chagrin of his superior, the flustered
Chief Inspector Dreyfus (John Cleese). The other members
of the team: ***
From England, Pepperidge (Molina), who’s determined
to out-deduce Clouseau at every step. ***
From Italy, Vicenzo (Andy Garcia), who always speaks
as if he’s admiring a fine work of art. ***
From Japan, Kenji (Yuki Matsuzaki), who always has a
laptop in front of him. ***
From India, Sonia (Aishwarya Rai Bachchan), who can’t
seem to enter a room without looking like she’s striking
a pose. ***
Their mission is to find a globe trotting thief known
only as The Tornado, who I guess is supposed to be the new
version of The Phantom. His calling card is not a monogrammed
white glove, but an actual card. ***
It’s a simple enough plot, and it could have worked
had it not been so insistent with its comedy. Virtually
every scene is a prolonged slapstick routine, with Clouseau
getting himself into one mess after another. Within the
course of the film, he burns down a Spanish restaurant,
destroys a chimney by falling down it, hurts Dreyfus by
accidentally provoking a ruthless security task force, and
sits on the Pope’s hat. ***
I occasionally chuckled, but I never really laughed,
which only goes to show that even physical humor can get
old. Attempts are made at verbal humor, which brings me
to Mrs. Berenger (Lily Tomlin), an American who acts as
a kind of sensitivity counselor. Clouseau, it seems, is
unable to filter what he says, resulting in a slew of off-color
remarks and racial slurs. One slip of the tongue, and she’s
on Clouseau’s case quicker than you can say Jacques Robinson.
***
The broad comedy is occasionally tamed by a subplot
that explores a blooming romance between Clouseau and his
co-worker, Nicole (Emily Mortimer), one that’s threatened
now that Vicenzo has entered the picture. I could sense
that the filmmakers were aiming for something more meaningful
here, which is admirable. But really, does anyone care about
Clouseau’s love life? ***
Is it even possible to care? I found it very difficult
to do so, mostly because, as characterized in this updated
franchise, Clouseau just isn’t relatable. He’s nothing more
than a goofball, a jester, a person we’re supposed to laugh
at, not laugh with. There’s no way to invest in such a character,
so I can’t understand why the filmmakers were actually trying
to give him depth. Complexity can be stimulating, but when
you’re talking about characters like Jacques Clouseau, what
you see should be what you get. ***
The strange thing is that, in spite of its countless
shortcomings, this movie is still better than what preceded
it. “The Pink Panther” was a mindless farce that went absolutely
nowhere, as exemplified by the scene in which Clouseau and
a dialect coach squabble over the phrase, “I would like
to buy a hamburger.” ***
With this new film, I saw how it was trying to aim
higher. For one thing, I appreciated the casting of John
Cleese; while no one can recapture the sheer desperation
and insanity displayed by Herbert Lom, Cleese at least gives
Dreyfus a much-needed frantic edge to his personality. That
was noticeably missing from the previous film, in which
Dreyfus was portrayed by Kevin Kline. I also appreciated
Jean Reno, who returns as Clouseau’s right hand man, Ponton;
of all the characters in this film, he’s the only one who
doesn’t have to try to be funny. ***
One of the oddest casting choices is Jeremy Irons,
who plays his character with the same conviction as an actor
trying to have fun as the villain. This wouldn’t be a problem
if his appearance were more than a mere cameo. Did he expect
his role to be bigger than it ended up being? Who can say?
All I know is that he gives the best performance he can
given the material, which in this case is a sign of overconfidence.
As for the rest of the cast, they’re no better and no worse
than I expected them to be. ***
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