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Months before the November 2008 release of “Twilight,”
I couldn’t understand why the media kept referring to the
Mormon upbringing of Stephanie Meyer, author of the original
novel. What does someone’s religion have to do with a work
of fiction, anyway? Upon seeing the film, it’s all became
so clear to me. Mormon doctrine states that sex is only
proper within a marriage bond; anything outside of marriage
is not considered proper sex, but improper fornication.
Therefore, you must completely save yourself for the one
you will someday wed. ***
For all intents and purposes, “Twilight” takes this
idea of abstinence and masks it as a supernatural romance,
telling the story of a 108-year-old vampire named Edward
Cullen (Robert Pattinson) who does everything he can to
resist drinking the blood of seventeen-year-old Bella Swan
(Kristen Stewart), who loves him madly and freely offers
herself. From what I saw, the act of drinking blood was
turned into a metaphor for sexual intercourse. ***
And consider a key shot early in the film in which
Edward catches a falling apple and cups it in his hands;
a reference to the Forbidden Fruit mentioned in the book
of Genesis is none too subtle, and neither is the symbolism
of a forbidden love between a vampire and a human. ***
If you can look past its legendary genre, you might
find that “Twilight” is one of the most uninspired teen
romances ever filmed. The basic plot is so paper-thin, derivative,
and preachy that only the cinematography was able to pique
my interest. It takes far too long to build up to anything,
and the more exciting moments are whitewashed by the film’s
PG-13 rating. ***
Exactly how tame are these vampires? In one scene,
they play a wholesome game of baseball in the middle of
a lightening storm. There’s something painfully--what’s
the word I’m looking for?--unromantic about vampires playing
baseball. It’s too pure, too cheerful, too All-American-Pastime
for creatures so classically gothic. But it seems perfect
for Edward, who was raised to believe that he should deny
his thirst for human blood. He instead feeds on the blood
of animals, which, strangely enough, he equates to being
a vegetarian. ***
But then along comes Bella, whose scent is intoxicating
to the point of obsession. Bella, who lived with her mother
and stepfather in arid Phoenix, Arizona, has moved to the
perpetually gray and rainy Fork, Washington to live with
her biological father (Billy Burke), the distant but caring
Chief of Police. ***
In high school, Bella becomes aware of the Cullen Clan,
a group of pale-skinned teens who can never seem to enter
a scene without walking in slow motion. While not a family
in the strictest sense, they all live under one roof, and
they abide by the same principles of never harming a human
being. The leader/father figure is Carlisle (Peter Facinelli),
who poses as a doctor but looks more like a Chippendale
dancer in a white lab coat. ***
The “foster children” are Alice (Ashley Greene), Emmett
(Kellan Lutz), Jasper Hale (Jackson Rathbone), and Rosalie
Hale (Nikki Reed), who can’t accept Bella for fear that
she will bring the Cullens nothing but trouble. ***
The last member is Edward, who initially refuses to
be around Bella for fear of losing control. For young Bella,
Edward is more of an irresistible fascination than a repulsive
anomaly, and her feelings only grow deeper when he saves
her from being hit by an out-of-control van. ***
What she has yet to learn is that he’s a vampire. I
found this impossible to believe given the number of clues
he leaves behind: he stops the van with only one hand, which
leaves a gigantic dent; he moves incredibly fast; his skin
is pale and ice cold; his eyes repeatedly change color.
With so much on the table, why on earth would it take her
half the film to even guess what he really is? ***
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he
can read everyone’s mind but hers. I’m not exactly sure
why that is. It could be that his lust for her blood is
impairing his judgment. We all know how one-track minded
teens can be, especially when hormones start kicking in.
Those darn hormones--they can lead to impure thoughts so
easily. ***
The first three-quarters of “Twilight” are unbearably
monotonous, with endless close-up shots of Pattinson and
Stewart lustfully staring at each other. It isn’t until
the introduction of a villainous nomadic vampire named James
(Cam Gigandet) that things finally pick up speed, and even
then, he’s so sterile and cliché that his threats against
Bella’s life hardly seem credible. He and his posse don’t
practice what the Cullens preach; they willingly drink human
blood. They live in sin, you might say. ***
One wonders how such a blatantly religious story would
appeal to throngs of teenage girls, the one audience that
made Meyer’s books into “New York Times” number one bestsellers.
It probably isn’t the story that attracts them--it’s Edward,
so handsome, so brave, so determined to protect the one
person throwing herself at him. When a literary description
is coupled with the casting of Robert Pattinson, the seduction
is complete. This particular following will no doubt love
“Twilight,” and indeed, it was made for them more than it
was for me. ***
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